With age comes wisdom, patience, reasoning and some other matureness quality. At least that's how it works for most people. I'm not quite certain with myself, there it is again, questioning my own self-esteem and maturity. The many events and unforeseen circumstances that had happened revealed quite a lot about myself, to me. I've always take myself as a quite reserved, introvert, ignorance, stay away from danger play safe kind of guy. I hope I'm going somewhere with this nonsense talk, and get the message across..to whoever it may concerns..
I never get the chance to express myself, let the emotion go, I think, my entire life. Probably because there is no need for it, I have not the the excuse to explore and really feel the emotional side.
Family, friends and the significant other.
I rather skip the first two, 'cause I don't want to talk much about it. Not that they are not important but just because I don't have anything to talk / complain about. If there is anything, they're good. But then again , everything in life is intertwined. They all contribute to life. I just choose to isolate them and focus on the significant other. Why? I don't know...
Stop reading if you don't understand ,that means it's non of your concern, you're not the concerned person.
I want to start with I could have said no. What would have happened if I said no. It could save me a lot of heartaches, sleepless nights, blood and tears..well maybe not blood. That's very gore..and weird. I really should be going to therapy instead of writing it all here. Plus, I'm very bad at writing. But I couldn't afford a therapist, and I like the whole world to know how bad my writing skills and aptitude are..rubbish, gibberish, no flow, transition and whatever.
I would not be writing all of these if I would just said no..School of life. Random again. Fast forward, like really fast only a few days prior to me writing these (if you're wondering how long of a time has been fast-forwarded, reminder: you're are not the concerned person. So you could either be done with it or just read along), I was alone in the living room, the TV's on, muted. I was talking to myself, why couldn't you just get over it? You know how it will end anyway. All the logic, and reasoning and what little wisdom I have in my not so mature mind tells me that, in the end, you know where the road lead and stop.
I kick myself in the face every time remembering it all. I was a douche, and over-bearing jerk sometimes, thinking back, probably it's all my fault. But that same thinking causes me ending up in this whirlpool. I'll never get out of it unless I stop spinning around and kicking myself in the face.
Life is not fair, I get it. Some things happened for no apparent reason. Be it good or bad.Where are my blessings in disguise?? Probably just right in front of me under my nose but im too busy too preoccupied with the mess i got myself into and not paying attention and focusing enough with all the good things that came. I wish i could be a little more mean and selfish and less sensitive. Not that I am not but i wish for myself to be more of it. That way I wouldn't feel any remorse, not as much and painful.
I want to tell her. I thought I've said it before. I have to tell her again then. It's of little use and just a waste and plain wrong. This time if feels different..
Im stopping here. Abruptly. Because I can...
I never get the chance to express myself, let the emotion go, I think, my entire life. Probably because there is no need for it, I have not the the excuse to explore and really feel the emotional side.
Family, friends and the significant other.
I rather skip the first two, 'cause I don't want to talk much about it. Not that they are not important but just because I don't have anything to talk / complain about. If there is anything, they're good. But then again , everything in life is intertwined. They all contribute to life. I just choose to isolate them and focus on the significant other. Why? I don't know...
Stop reading if you don't understand ,that means it's non of your concern, you're not the concerned person.
I want to start with I could have said no. What would have happened if I said no. It could save me a lot of heartaches, sleepless nights, blood and tears..well maybe not blood. That's very gore..and weird. I really should be going to therapy instead of writing it all here. Plus, I'm very bad at writing. But I couldn't afford a therapist, and I like the whole world to know how bad my writing skills and aptitude are..rubbish, gibberish, no flow, transition and whatever.
I would not be writing all of these if I would just said no..School of life. Random again. Fast forward, like really fast only a few days prior to me writing these (if you're wondering how long of a time has been fast-forwarded, reminder: you're are not the concerned person. So you could either be done with it or just read along), I was alone in the living room, the TV's on, muted. I was talking to myself, why couldn't you just get over it? You know how it will end anyway. All the logic, and reasoning and what little wisdom I have in my not so mature mind tells me that, in the end, you know where the road lead and stop.
I kick myself in the face every time remembering it all. I was a douche, and over-bearing jerk sometimes, thinking back, probably it's all my fault. But that same thinking causes me ending up in this whirlpool. I'll never get out of it unless I stop spinning around and kicking myself in the face.
Life is not fair, I get it. Some things happened for no apparent reason. Be it good or bad.Where are my blessings in disguise?? Probably just right in front of me under my nose but im too busy too preoccupied with the mess i got myself into and not paying attention and focusing enough with all the good things that came. I wish i could be a little more mean and selfish and less sensitive. Not that I am not but i wish for myself to be more of it. That way I wouldn't feel any remorse, not as much and painful.
I want to tell her. I thought I've said it before. I have to tell her again then. It's of little use and just a waste and plain wrong. This time if feels different..
Im stopping here. Abruptly. Because I can...
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